So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!