If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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