Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Not as such, no.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
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Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.