I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.