Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara