dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
