Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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