I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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