so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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