My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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