porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
