The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
