dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
