Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
