I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
