So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
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I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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