We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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