i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
