So drunk its hurt
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
