It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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