So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
