the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
