No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
