Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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