hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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