Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
