You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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