he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
