you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize