when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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