All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
