mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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