So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
