U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
