Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
