There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
