I faked an abortion last night.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
