I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize