I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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