Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
