she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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