I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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