Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
