I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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