Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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