Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
