ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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