i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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