Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
