she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
