1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
