i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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