Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
