Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
