Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
