You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
