sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
