i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
