on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
