12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
