dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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