Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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