There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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