we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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