There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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