So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
