I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
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I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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