Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
two words...techno handjob
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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