Please, let me fuck your mom
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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