there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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