he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
