im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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