Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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