I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
