the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband