paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I puked a lego.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.