drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!