i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me