Can i not drive my cunt home
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon