Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
