Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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