How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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